The trader’s view in marriage always prevents the person himself, his positive or negative characteristics, his inner capabilities, his talents, character and goals in life and in a word, his true self from being examined.
Roxana Khoshabi; Senior consulting expert
So far, we have talked a lot about marriage, the criteria for choosing a spouse, solving marital issues and problems, and the relationship between husband and wife. Unfortunately, the culture of some of us in marriage and choosing a spouse still has the aspect of giving and receiving. It means that some boys and girls and even adults are still looking to know what they will gain and what they will lose in marriage.
The trader’s view in marriage always prevents the person himself, his positive or negative characteristics, his inner capabilities, his talents, character and goals in life and in a word, his true self from being examined. Rather, what is examined are assets, house, car, money, education, position and job. It is obvious that from such a point of view, marriage with sick people, both common diseases and more specific diseases, will never be approved.
On the contrary, if the criteria of marriage are a little more internal and are based more on the nature, intelligence, personality and inner characteristics of the parties, physical issues and various diseases lose their importance as criteria for marriage.
Opposition of families
About three or four years ago, I gave a speech in one of the special disease associations. The topic of the speech was about marriage.
But when I wanted to tell about the criteria for choosing a wife, the attendees interrupted me and said that the main problem they face in marriage is the opposition of their families. In fact, their opinion was that even if the boy and girl agree to marry a particular patient, the families oppose it and try to prevent the marriage with all kinds of methods.
They said that especially in our country, the biggest problem arises for a girl who is sick, and most families don’t allow their son to marry a girl who has a certain disease.
But the question is, why do families usually oppose such marriages? The experience of working with families shows that there are usually several major reasons for opposing such marriages.
The first reason is that families do not trust their children. In fact, their child has not been able to show enough wisdom and mental ability to the family, and the family is afraid that their child has made such a choice based on false feelings and emotions, and these feelings and emotions will soon subside and the marriage will lead to divorce. And in the end, both their child and his sick wife will suffer psychological trauma.
Unfortunately, many boys and girls do not have enough credibility with their families due to their dependence on the family and the lack of appropriate and appropriate behavior, and sometimes due to stubbornness or childish behaviors, and as a result, when they choose a spouse who also has a certain disease, the families Like other choices of their children, the choice is distrustful and they try to stop the marriage.
Sometimes, the families think that living with someone who is sick entails a lot of difficulties and problems, and they do not want their child to be involved in a stressful and difficult married life in addition to the normal problems and issues of life, which may even make their child tired in the future. In the end, the disintegration of his marriage.
Some families are also worried about the children of these marriages and their genetic issues or worried about the sick person not having children and related issues. Of course, there are families who think that if their child marries like this, they will have to come to the scene at different times and solve their problems, take care of their grandchildren, etc. and in short, they will fall into the trap of new responsibilities.
In all these cases, if a healthy person wants to marry someone who has a certain disease, he should consider these points:
Before getting married, he must talk to his future wife’s doctor and fully understand all the issues and consequences of his illness.
It is necessary to complete his scientific and medical information in the field of his wife’s disease by reading new books and articles.
He should know if it is possible for his wife to have a child and take care of the child for him or not?
He should know whether it is possible for him to work (outside or inside the house) or not?
As a wife, she should know what kind of help to provide to her husband (in relation to his illness) in the future.
Before marriage, he should practice the help he should give to his future wife.
If possible, he should spend a few days with someone who has the same specific disease and see his problems closely and measure his ability in this field in practice.
He must talk to his family in a documented and scientific manner and prove that he entered into marriage with sufficient knowledge of the consequences of the disease and did not suffer from false emotions or excitement.
He must have built enough credit with his family. It means that his family should accept him and recognize him as a competent and efficient person. Such infrastructure is necessary for every child in a family so that the family can count on him and recognize his decisions.
He should also be able to cope with this disease himself and accept its consequences from the bottom of his heart.
The most important condition of marriage!
Although the most important condition in all marriages is mutual love, it is not possible to marry someone who has a special disease without deep and true love.
Because if Fimabin’s love and affection is not enough, the problems caused by the illness, the words of the people around him and some possible restrictions may cool the relationship over time. Such love must be two-way. Because not only the person who wants to marry a person with a certain disease must love him and be able to sacrifice for him, but also the sick person himself must be able to satisfy his wife from emotional aspects with love, character and loving and romantic behavior. holds.
It doesn’t matter if there is a physical problem. It is important that the parties are emotionally satisfied, love each other and support each other in life. We all know that even if both parties are healthy at the beginning of life, it is not unlikely that they will have an accident, illness and physical disabilities in the future.
Therefore, what is important in a joint life is love and affection, psychological fluidity, deep mutual understanding and reaching a feeling of peace with each other. If such experiences become possible for us in an authentic and genuine way with someone, it would be a pity to lose him because of his illness, but on the condition that we keep the above points in mind.
In addition, the marriage of people who both have certain diseases makes it easier for the parties from a family and social point of view. They understand each other better and their similar circumstances can bring them the support of their families. In any case, in every marriage, it is necessary to focus on the inner components and on genuine and genuine love and affection, not on worthless and superficial appearances.
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