Dealing with sexual reluctance in men

Sexual reluctance or coldness means unwillingness and lack of desire for the opposite sex. The first thing to consider is that a specific factor does not play a role in sexual reluctance, rather sexual reluctance is a multidimensional issue and must be looked at from different angles and from different aspects of individual, interpersonal, psychological, medical, environmental and … checked it out.

Whenever one of the couple feels sexual reluctance, the other couple will also be involved in this problem. This issue will have a negative impact on the married life of the couple. First of all, we must know that sexual desire is a psychological stage during which a person has a desire to fantasize and have sexual activity. Sexual reluctance or coldness means unwillingness and lack of desire for the opposite sex. The first thing to consider is that a specific factor does not play a role in sexual reluctance, but reluctance is a multi-dimensional issue and must be looked at from different angles and from different personal, interpersonal, psychological, medical, environmental and… checked it; Therefore, the fact that some men or women do not want to have marital relations with their spouses is a problem that may be caused by several factors. The second point that we must not forget is to know under what conditions this happened? Has there been reluctance since the early years of cohabitation, or is this issue formed under specific time and place conditions? Is it possible that the reluctance is affected by other issues, arguments and fights with the spouse, daily stress, economic and work problems, etc.? And many other questions that need to be answered carefully.

In the following, we will examine some factors that may contribute to sexual reluctance:

A person’s view of sex
What kind of view and attitude a person has towards establishing a marital relationship will undoubtedly have an effect on his performance and sexual desire; For example, if men imagine that they should be ready to have a marital relationship in any situation, or by watching sexual movies, they imagine that they should have such exaggerated and unnatural abilities, which causes them to doubt their abilities over time and reduce their sexual self-esteem. They no longer want to have a relationship. On the other hand, if women have a wrong attitude towards establishing a marital relationship, it will affect their level of desire; For example, some women think that a woman should observe modesty even in marital matters, never show enthusiasm or interest in having a relationship with her husband, and not take the lead, and to be a good woman, she should have a passive role in the relationship. Some women may even consider the act of marriage as dirty and animalistic. Of course, this type of attitude can cause a decrease in desire and passion on both sides.

Some physical and mental diseases and taking some medicines
Suffering from some physical diseases and taking some medicines causes a decrease in sexual desire in a person; For example, the use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs and hair loss causes a decrease in libido. Some hormonal problems such as thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland may also cause a decrease in libido. In addition to these, other problems such as vaginal dryness in women will cause the marital relationship to be painful and will lead to sexual reluctance in them. In men, problems such as erection and premature ejaculation may be effective in reducing sexual desire.

Having sex in inappropriate mental conditions and repetitive patterns
The end of a stressful work day and when both people are forced to stay awake due to fatigue, is it a good time to go to bed together? Unfortunately, most of the couples, despite being physically and mentally tired, even when they are not prepared, do it just because they have done their duty or because they are afraid of upsetting their spouse. Usually, with the passing of time and the birth of children and the increase in the roles and responsibilities of both, this happens more often and provides the basis for the spouses’ reluctance.

Lack of emotional and sexual communication skills
Maybe most men and women think that they are skilled enough and know very well what their partner’s physical and mental needs are, when in fact this is not the case. Let’s say frankly that many people do not know the emotional and sexual needs of themselves and their spouses well, and they do not know how to consider the needs of both people. One of the causes of sexual reluctance in women is the feeling of neglecting their emotional needs during sex, which eventually causes sexual reluctance to communicate with their spouse.

The following solutions can help you solve this problem:

Solving marital conflicts
If both or one of the couples did not have any problems in the beginning of the relationship and gradually became sexually reluctance, solving marital conflicts will undoubtedly be one of the useful and effective tasks. Sometimes spouses unintentionally take their daily conflicts and angers to bed with them, this will affect their satisfaction with the marital relationship and over time the feeling of reluctance towards the spouse will replace passion. Recognizing conflicts and solving them will be of great help to spouses.

Solving physical problems
As we mentioned before, people’s physical problems will affect their sexual desire. Therefore, to solve these physical problems, you must take necessary measures and talk to a specialist doctor. Fixing these problems and treating them will greatly help people with sexual reluctance.

Trying to maintain physical and mental attractiveness
Just because two people love each other, it does not mean that they will have a good sex relationship, because in addition to love, the presence of sexual attraction is also important. Both parties must have sexual attraction for each other and in addition try to maintain this attraction; Therefore, both people should pay attention to their appearance and grooming. This issue will be more important after several years of living together and the birth of children; Because most people face the normalization of relationships and daily and repetitive sexual patterns after several years.

Getting help from experts
The problem of sexual reluctance, like other problems, needs treatment and educational planning. Therefore, don’t be fooled by some exaggerated advertisements about sexual enhancement drugs and… and don’t expect this problem to be solved overnight, but try to look at the issue from several different angles and get help from experts; Because the treatment of sexual reluctance or any other type of sexual problem is useless until problems such as marital conflicts, psychological, communication and medical problems are solved. Side causative factors should be treated first. A couple whose sexual problem is due to marital conflicts or being monotonous and drowning in everyday life or not being aware of emotional and sexual skills, with the help of a couples therapist can return the passion to their relationship.

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