Some young men and boys think that the hymen of their spouse or fiancee can be a document for not having sex, it is better for young girls to never consent to sex during marriage and engagement and as long as they are under the same roof with the man of their life. They have not had intense and deep emotional relationships, it is better to correct some misconceptions in this field and listen to the explanations of our sex counselor.
The first problem that arises in people’s imagination is that girls and boys who have previous sexual experience are more successful in their marriage and life together than those who have not had any relationship with the opposite sex.
If those who have a relationship before marriage may have expectations that in the future life, the other person may not be able to meet these expectations. On the other hand, sometimes a comparison occurs to them.
False sexual beliefs are one of the problems that have become a serious problem these days due to wrong information provided to people.
Dr. Hossein Akhwan, a member of the treatment group and responsible for the education of the family health clinic of Shahid University and a therapist for sexual disorders, pointed out the false sexual beliefs: the first problem that arises in the minds of people is that girls and boys who have previous sexual experience, in Their marriage and cohabitation are more successful than those who have not had any relationship with the opposite sex. If those who have a relationship before marriage may have expectations that in the future life, the other person may not be able to meet these expectations. On the other hand, sometimes a comparison occurs to them.
People in premarital relationships only think about themselves
He continued: Marital relationship, which includes sex, is different from the relationship that a girl or boy experiences before marriage. Before marriage, what comes under the title of relationship is more attention to self, satisfaction of personal needs, curiosity and lust. What is experienced after marriage is a common experience to advance a common life. In married life, in addition to paying attention to themselves, both men and women also pay attention to the other person. In this relationship, more than lust, it is about deepening an emotional relationship that is formed after married life.
Inconsistency in sexual relations is one of the consequences of premarital relations
Emphasizing that most of those who have had previous sexual experience, their marriages have been accompanied by failure, he said: in sexual experiences, a person may acquire a series of skills and experiences, and because usually people are looking for a spouse who They choose not to have this experience unlike themselves, in fact there is a kind of lack of coordination between men and women; Whereas when a boy and a girl without previous sexual experiences get married, they are in harmony with each other, they make trial and error together and move forward together, and the more harmonious a couple is, the more successful their life will be. What is important in marriage is not experience, but knowledge, and the best time to acquire knowledge is during marriage. Experience based on this knowledge and our education and awareness is slowly gained and we don’t need to have this experience before marriage; Because each person is different from another person.
Marriage is a cure for masturbation
This therapist of sexual disorders considered the next misconception to be masturbation as an obstacle to marriage and continued: Boys always ask the question that masturbation in the past will cause us problems in marriage? Will we experience infertility and problems for our married life in the future? We answer that masturbation is not a prohibition for marriage, of course, it is forbidden in Shari’ah, and we must give medical advice to stop this behavior. But they can get married, and by the way, marriage is one of the important ways to quit masturbation. People who get married and satisfy their sexual needs through marital relations usually do not go towards masturbation; Except in cases that are accompanied by other underlying disorders.
The presence or absence of a hymen is not a way to determine whether or not you have had sex
The education officer of Shahid University’s family health clinic addressed the misconception about the hymen and stated: The next misconception is that a girl who has a hymen gets married and bleeds on the wedding night, and this indicates that she did not have sex before marriage. Is. This idea is based on the fact that the presence of the hymen is a 100% reason for not having sexual experience and the lack of it is not a definite reason for having this experience. Maybe there are people who repair the hymen and people who don’t have a hymen due to extreme sports like horse riding or congenitally (which happens rarely). On the other hand, the hymen has different forms and may be of a type that is not noticeable.
Watching porn changes mental images
Akhwan considered the next false belief to be the increase in sexual desire after watching porn movies and clarified: Some couples say that watching sexual movies helps to stimulate sexual desire and warm up married life more. These people should know that watching sexual videos in the short term may increase sexual desire and improve sexual relations, but in the long term, it has the opposite effect; Because the threshold of stimulation rises and therefore if they were stimulated by seeing such movies before, they are not now. On the other hand, a person watches the movie to have sex with his wife, not knowing that watching these movies causes addiction and alienates him from his wife. If he used to spend time with his wife before watching these movies, now he spends all that time or even more watching these movies. In addition to these issues, watching these movies changes one’s image, pictures and mental images. Changing these images will make a person see his wife as beautiful and fit until yesterday, from now on he will not have these images of his wife and the images he saw from the movies will be replaced instead of his wife.
The type of relationships shown in porn movies are harmful
He mentioned the creation of unreasonable and false expectations as another consequence of watching these porn movies and said: the people who act in these movies do unreasonable things and many of these people may even be hospitalized for those acts, but in The film is based on image, light and color, what the audience sees is all beauty and pleasure; If this is not the case at all and the actions are annoying, damaging and painful. A person who sees these and enjoys them, wants to have the same relationship with his wife in reality, which is not possible and causes pain and discomfort. Finally, it is not recommended to watch these movies to increase your libido.
The life of couples who do not have good sex is more stressful
Referring to the main axis of the couple’s life, this therapist of sexual disorders said: some couples do not consider sex to be the main axis of their lives and say that married life is formed with the aim of getting out of loneliness, having a partner and having children; While this is not the case and we believe that if sex is not the essence of life, it is definitely the glue of life. Consistency and durability of life depends on good, satisfying and satisfying sex of couples. Couples who do not have good sex usually face more stress in their lives. In this family, raising children has more problems. When there is no good sex between husband and wife, there is not enough peace in this life. Men who have a good sexual relationship with their spouses are also successful in their work, and women who have a good sexual relationship with their wives suffer less from depression and chronic pain such as headaches and back pain and have better parenting. Therefore, the idea that I, as a woman, have many responsibilities such as employment and raising children, and sex becomes my third issue, or if a man says that I work long hours and now if I wasn’t tired and bored, I would have sex, is a wrong assumption. We believe that just as a person takes time to eat and rest, he should also take time in his life to have a good and emotional sex relationship with his wife.
Insisting on marriage regardless of one’s circumstances
The brotherhood pointed to the inattention of some families to the problems of their children and said: some parents pressure their children who are not married until the age of 30 and after to get married; Why don’t you get married without asking? Some are married and want to divorce, and the woman complains that the man has nothing to do with her. After the investigation, we see that the person had sexual pathological tendencies and did not tell anyone about this. It is not right to pressurize at any cost and it should be talked about. On the other hand, we had girls with this condition. In these fields, both the person and his family should be informed to seek advice and choose the right way to avoid further problems.
