Reconstructing the relationship between husband and wife
What factors contribute to the gradual cooling of the couple’s relationship and reduce their relationship? What should we do to do this? What are the best recommendations in this regard? What should be done to improve the couple’s relationship?
Marriages that take place only on the advice of the mother and father or another person, who after a while usually realizes the disproportionate choice and reluctance; Of course, some people do not show much reluctance at first; Rather, with age and the occurrence of some common frictions between couples, this reluctance shows itself seriously and it is even expressed that the lowest level is negligence and the highest is the threat of divorce and unfortunately in some Cases of action.
His heart burned for his youth because he felt that the days he had to spend in love were burning in front of his eyes and he could not stop it. He had decided many times to improve his life; But he did not succeed. This is the real life story of a 30-year-old woman, which you can read below.
I am a 30 year old woman and I was born in a middle class family. It has been almost 10 years since I started living together and I have had many bittersweet days. The early days of my husband and I started with love; But now and after years of living together, the situation is different. Now, I have a 5-year-old son who is my whole being and my hope for survival. My husband does not care about me; But he loves our son and cares much more about him, his needs and wants than I do. My husband also has a lot of respect for his family and his brothers’ wives; But not to me. I think that his negligence and disrespect has caused his brothers and family to disrespect me as well; But this does not matter to my husband.
Rebuilding a couple’s relationship is difficult but possible
Reza Zibaei, Clinical Psychologist – One of the most common problems between couples, especially after several years of living together, is the reduction of purposeful and specific attention to each other, which usually women react to this neglect more than men, especially If they also have an emotional attachment to their spouse; Of course, the gentlemen’s reaction is more inward-looking than verbal.
The point that is a bit questionable in the story of the couple’s life together is that this woman’s husband has a normal and acceptable relationship with most people except his wife. Therefore, it can be concluded that this turmoil is only specific to the relationship between a couple; Of course, if this assumption is wrong, it is not just a matter of the couple, because the husband also has a problem communicating with others.
However, if we consider the first hypothesis to be correct, the issues raised in the story are a subset of the issue and are in fact the result of the turmoil in the relationship between the couple. One spouse does not pay attention to the other and usually pays attention to the others, and this is annoying for any spouse; But the main problem is not the spouse paying attention to others; But the reason for the indifference formed between them. Now, if we pay attention to this issue in this way, we can better pay attention to the causes and not to the disabilities.
Reasons for neglecting your spouse from the beginning
If a person is inattentive to his spouse from the beginning and in this way, there are several assumptions, the most important of which are:
* Marriage of ignorance and inexperience.
* Marriages that occur only on the advice of the mother and father or another person, who after a while usually realizes the disproportionate choice and reluctance; Of course, some people do not show much reluctance at first; Rather, with age and the occurrence of some common frictions between couples, this reluctance shows itself seriously and it is even expressed that the lowest level is negligence and the highest is the threat of divorce and unfortunately in some Cases of action.
* Marriage to escape a particular issue or circumstance. For example, forgetting old love or escaping from disturbed parental relationships and going home lucky!
* Marriage out of pity for the other party.
* The person does this with the capital of the love and affection of the other party and because he is interested in this marriage and not himself. A partnership in which, unfortunately, only one partner has borne the share of both parties!
What is the solution in this situation?
You may think that such a couple will not get anywhere and the endurance or separation will be the result of this marriage. Yes, some of them unfortunately choose the same path, but some learn with the help of a family specialist and psychologist that this time they will be the cause of their marriage, just like they choose their spouse again and slowly each other Find.
In fact, it is my choice that brings with it commitment and agreement, and vice versa, an imposed relationship, followed by repeated tolerance and hesitation, which our story lady described as careless and cold in her husband’s behavior.
It is worth noting that the prerequisite for the formation of a new and new relationship based on the choice of the couple now, the absence of old and new variables hinders and destroys the trusting relationship between them; For example, infidelity and lack of commitment is a serious factor in destroying the relationship and preventing it from resuming.
Reasons for neglecting your spouse after several years
But if a person’s spouse has not been cold and careless from the beginning, and in fact the marriage has not been done before, according to the assumptions made; Rather, it is completely conscious and romantic, and now, after years of seeing and feeling a wave of inattention, there are other reasons for the issue, the most common of which are:
A) Sensitivity to the actions and behaviors of parents and family members of each other. “Why did your father say that?”, “Why does your mother or sister not respect me enough, and in me, they do not give me enough?” And things like that all improve with the acceptance of a principle by the couple.
“The behavior of the spouse’s parents and family members has nothing to do with him or her.” Of course, parental behavior affects the couple’s relationship; But when you expect your spouse to change parents or siblings, problems arise.
B) Another issue is the existence of vague financial relations between the couple and each other or with first-degree relatives. A couple who both have separate incomes; But shared expenses, no doubt, if they do not have enough skills in how to spend jointly from two incomes, emotional issues will interfere with financial issues, and the result will be nothing but coldness and indifference of the couple to each other, and unfortunately sometimes this The matter remains silent for years without any clear reaction from the parties or the victim, and imperceptibly causes resentment and nervousness to the other party; So if you have this, the only cure is to set up a mutual fund, in which you put each percentage of the agreed-upon salary into the fund and spend it.
C) Lack of adequacy between couples. Kafu literally means similar and similar, and in marriage it means that there must be some resemblance between husband and wife; For example, a religious woman can not cope with a non-religious man, or an extroverted man will have a lot of trouble with a very introverted woman, or a couple who are very different culturally and ethnically are likely to have marital disputes between them. The intensity is high. Such couples, if they want to continue to reduce problems, must learn to adapt to each other’s differences, not to make them the subject of differences, which is not an easy task; But it is possible.