Adequate information on sex
All people should know this important information about sex, especially teenagers and young people who are in a critical phase of their lives.
In most cases no. Do the public media, including radio and television, which is supposed to be a public university, give information in this field to teenagers and young people? no
So how should an Iranian teenager know what the characteristics of the opposite sex are? All that remains is the incomplete experience of his peers, which is also not transmitted correctly. Peers who themselves have been in a relationship with the opposite sex and have seen its damage, only talk about their desires, not about what is really there.
This story continues and emotional failure, abnormal behavior and academic failure will be the fate of a huge segment of this generation, but what are the wrong beliefs of this generation about the relationship with the opposite sex?
1- Our love is eternal
The research of psychologists in the last thirty years shows that the love that is achieved in adolescence and the beginning of youth is only a fleeting emotion and it disappears quickly. The teenager is subject to his emotions. One of these emotions is the interest he shows to the opposite sex.
This love is not obtained from recognition and it leads to bitterness. Many teenagers do not even choose their partner. Their friend, who is in a relationship with the opposite sex, suggests that he also communicate with the friend of their opposite sex. simply. Even the story goes beyond seeing a beautiful face and being seduced, and a person falls in love with him without seeing the person in front of him! Do you expect that this friendship will not end soon?
Teenagers don’t know that their excitement was to be justified, it needs reasoning. Therefore, they start to argue that this other person is the one they have always been looking for. Time will show them that this is not the case and the scientific words of psychologists are based on principles.
Unfortunately, parents, society, and those involved in it, instead of being reasoned and rational and accepting the natural desire of teenagers for the opposite sex, make him understand that this emotion he is experiencing has a weak basis, they make his emotion more intense with aggression. At the same time, people always want more of what is forbidden, and teenagers are also human.
2- There is no difference in the motivation of the two sexes in relation to the opposite sex
We have seen many boys who believe that girls are more interested in sex with them than they are, and if they have so far refused to respond to this request, it is because they want to make themselves look more deceptive and make the boy more greedy in the relationship.
A teenage boy said: “Finally, the answer is yes.” I just have to be patient a little bit.”
These beliefs are due to the fact that according to the famous contemporary psychologist, David Bass, who has done extensive research on the motivations of men and women in mating, boys and men and the male gender, their main motivation in friendship with the opposite sex is sexual motivation and Because they themselves think this way in relation to the opposite sex, they believe that the opposite sex also thinks the same way, but it is not like this, and according to the research of psychologists, including Dr. David Bass, the main motivation of girls and women and the female gender is emotional support from a friendship relationship with the opposite sex. It is psychological and social.
3- Mere friendship with the opposite sex is possible
Just friend is a term that many boys and girls say to justify their friendship with the opposite sex. This term, whose other meaning in the eyes of teenagers is “pure friendship”, means that it is possible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex, without sexual motivation being involved, and the connection is illegal and immoral, and in a word, “impure”. ” would have existed.
Dr. David Bass clearly emphasizes that friendship with the opposite sex is not possible. Friendship with the opposite sex is subject to the conditions of male and female gender. The male gender – knowingly or unknowingly – in the friendship relationship with the opposite sex, seeks sexual intercourse, and the female gender seeks to find emotional, psychological and social support.
These two different motivations will not last long, which will create dissatisfaction, or the sexual relationship will be forced, which will create a feeling of guilt and loss of emotional support in the girl, and will take her out of the relationship, or will not create this relationship. It happens that the boy leaves the relationship. When I told such a thing to teenagers, I didn’t believe that all of them – I emphasize; All of them – did not know this and thought and believed differently and acted accordingly.
4- Sex makes the friendship relationship last longer
Considering the reasons that we have said before and the difference between the motivations of the two sexes regarding the relationship and their expectations, this belief also shows its falsehood. Sex in girls creates a strong negative feeling and greatly reduces the quality of friendship. He sees the cause of his bad feeling in the opposite sex and even hates him and sometimes takes revenge.
In the research of psychologists, it has been pointed out that the sex variable is an essential variable for predicting the breakdown of the relationship. That is, if two people have sex during their friendship, it is more likely that they will break up faster.
5- If I have not been hurt by the relationship, I will never be hurt
When I talk to teenagers about the dangers of friendship with the opposite sex, those who are in a relationship take two paths; Or in general, they deny and ridicule all the information of the science of psychology, which has been obtained after years of research, and pretend not to listen, or they talk about their current experiences or that of their friends, which contradicts with This is scientific data.
Those who talk about their experiences talk about the present and do not care about the future. The fact that a relationship with the opposite sex is faced with significant damages does not mean that these damages should occur after a few days or even a few months.
Those who are in a good mood today with their friend of the opposite sex, speak of the moment and are unaware that these injuries will happen sooner or later, but there is no fuel. They will also experience these damages, but after a strong dependence that they found on the other side, and this amount of damage will increase.
Seeing exceptions and generalizing them is also defined in this false belief. The fact that a ninety-year-old man who has been smoking since he was forty and has never even caught a cold, let alone lung cancer, does not question the findings of doctors who say that there is a direct connection between smoking and lung cancer and it is not proven. that we close the rule of our life with these exceptions.
Mehdi Malek Mohammadi, Master of Psychology