How can one eliminate the coldness in the sexual relationship between couples, and what methods can we use to revive this marital relationship and keep the passion alive in it, and what should be done in this regard?
After several years, the most important problem of couples; Lack of sexual tension
There are husbands and wives who do not have serious problems with each other in terms of social, fitness and age, but when they go to counseling and treatment centers, they say that their main problem is sexual incompatibility.
They say that we can’t meet each other’s needs sexually and we don’t feel satisfied when we are together. Remember that in such matters, it is not a question of whether people are good or bad, but the issue of sexual tension between two people, which is the result of romantic relationships between couples; One of the parties is not sexually attracted to his wife and naturally the other is unhappy and sad that he is not sexually requested by his wife or is rejected by her. The increasing number of patients indicates that most people are involved in these problems in some way and are looking for a treatment solution.
Don’t just pay attention to external factors in choosing a spouse
In your opinion, what is the lack of sexual tension between two people and why does it occur? In this context, we should pay attention to two issues: first, choosing a life partner who may not be sexually desirable. Maybe both of them are good people, but they have made a mistake in choosing, they have chosen each other for many external reasons and goals, such as economic fitness, education, appearance, etc., which are all important external factors, but what is necessary is to create tension and sexual attraction between two people. It is a person, it is definitely an internal factor that theorists and specialists in the science of sexual behavior interpret as romance, or in other words, it is the internal attraction, love and interest that is created between two people.
Forget the initial passion!
Know that the passion that arises at the beginning of the relationship is not going to remain the same, but if this relationship is not taken care of, dissatisfaction will arise. By the way, the conversation between husband and wife shows the intimacy between them. Directly and respectfully say to your spouse: “What you said upset me.” The other party should use this opportunity and instead of ignoring his wife’s feelings, say: “I meant something else when I said that sentence and I really didn’t want to upset you.” At the same time, he must express his meaning exactly.
Is this tension and excitement permanent?!
At the time of choosing a spouse or life partner, it should be very important to pay attention to whether it is the “sexual need” of the person that creates this attraction or is it a two-way attraction away from sexual emotions? It is natural if the attraction towards the spouse is only to satisfy one’s own sexual needs, it can cause misunderstanding and disturbance in sexual recognition and the choice of the other party, and this initial attraction and attraction can easily be taken into account that this person is the one who “I want and It will always be my emotional, emotional and sexual stimulus” and this is the beginning of a mistake because the life of this excitement and tension will not be very long!
Take care of your love!
Sometimes husband and wife are attractive to each other, but they don’t do much to revive this tension and attraction and strengthen it, and they leave the love that was created between them alone, they don’t talk to each other, and they don’t pay attention to the destructive factors of sex. Many couples have the idea that love happened to them once and will always remain the same size and quality; While the love between couples is the leaven of sexual tension and the continuation of sexual relations between them, and it cannot be left without care, revival and strengthening.
In the first step, know your sexual needs
Husbands and wives often take no care of this relationship dynamic. As a result, when the relationship has deep sexual problems, they think of getting help and ask, how can we remove all this dust from our sexual relationship? While we always insist in premarital counseling and marital problems that you as a husband or wife, regardless of the other party, should constantly think about how to keep this relationship dynamic. To establish an intimate and sexual relationship, first know yourself and then know the other person! You should quickly solve the holes that appear in the relationship that you don’t pay attention to, instead of waiting for something to happen and then going to a therapist for treatment.
Talk about issues in the bedroom
You can say to your wife, I enjoy communication with you, but it will be more pleasant for me if in terms of appearance, hygiene, etc. Your situation is like this. Many people avoid saying this and delay telling these truths for years. No person should be worried about telling his wife this; not to break his heart and… but this is a sign of paying attention to that wife and the atmosphere in the bedroom; Unfortunately, there are many husbands and wives who are severely misunderstanding. Because they think that if they raise the issue that has arisen, their spouse will be upset and… these concealments have no meaning other than not paying attention to the foundation of the family.
Pay attention to the destructive factors of sexual relations
Most men are afraid to say these things because they are worried that it will lead to tension and fights. It is often seen among women that when a man makes a comment or has a suggestion in the sexual field, the woman’s thoughts get confused, she reacts negatively, and… instead of women putting this talk down to the man’s concern and maintaining their marital relationship, they put it in a defensive form. they are going. Many women think that because they are married, they no longer need to pay attention to the destructive factors of their sexual relations.
It is natural that both of them are annoyed in the continuation of this relationship. One of the biggest problems is verbal communication and intimacy between couples. As a result, they argue with each other more than they talk about their sexual issues like two intimate people.
Sex is not just intimacy
When choosing, you should always pay attention to whether this person is a good sexual partner for you. Are you sexually attracted to each other? Can you meet our needs? Unfortunately, people have not thought about these questions before choosing a spouse! Maybe they care less about the fact that this marriage has a private space in the bedroom and two people should be sexually compatible, and it does not mean that sex should happen between two people who have just met each other.
This is not an acceptable issue because it falsely makes the result positive! In no document, having sexual intercourse is not mentioned or emphasized merely to measure the suitability and sexual tension between two people, but it is more emphasized on the recognition of two people from each other, which is often achieved without sexual stimuli, only through conversation and social interaction. Sexual interactions do not refer to mere physical-sexual contact, but any intimate relationship, pleasant and enjoyable communication and conversation between a couple is considered sexual behavior.
This issue prevents the sexual life of couples from being limited and enclosed in the pure genital space and sees most of the sexual relations between husband and wife as social relations and extends those relations to all the relations that husband and wife have during the day. Talking about sexual interests, sexual preferences and preferences, etc. is an important step that couples can take in the selection process in the path of sexual knowledge.