Sex and couple trust

Can you trust your partner in sex and is your sex a healthy and cared for relationship!

The inner worlds of all of us undoubtedly have an effect on our thoughts and behaviors. The things that make up our inner world are the experiences we have had in our family or other social relationships that we have had throughout our lives. Although many of them are hidden under conscious thought, they can influence the formation of our feelings, actions and reactions. It is important to know how things that happened in the past affect our relationships today, especially in our friendships or marriages.
Do you feel safe and comfortable in your marriage?
Have you been emotionally and physically dependent on your parents as a child? This dependence may have been due to feelings of need, anxiety with sensitivity and fear of rejection. You are the kind of person who thinks that someone who loves you might let you go one day.
Has someone physically or mentally abused you in the past? This issue can make you feel shame, suspicion and panic. And maybe you now have the fear that someone you love will hurt you. Experiencing violence and abuse in the past makes you a sensitive, controlling and dependent person. These experiences put you in a protective layer so that you can defend yourself against others.
Can you define your individual identity?
How were you as a child? Could you feel yourself as a child with an independent identity? Did your parents interfere in everything related to your childhood world? Did they ever trust your abilities, talent, intelligence, and decisions? Did others trust your analytical power and knowledge and count on your words? If others did not consider you as an independent person, possessor of credit and identity, it is not unlikely that today you are highly dependent, non-independent and submissive in your relationships and in your life together. This spirit makes you a controlled, submissive and passive person in marital relations. The fear that comes from dependence makes you cautious and takes away the possibility of having open and direct relationships with others, especially your spouse. A deep belief is formed in you that you cannot make decisions alone and you leave everything to your spouse. It will be hard for you to be yourself and make your own individual decisions.
Can you have a healthy emotional connection with your spouse?
Have you grown up in an environment where love, intimacy and warmth of friendship were lacking? Perhaps you have had difficulty connecting emotionally with others in your past relationships. It may even be that when you refer to your own feelings, the feeling of emptiness, loneliness and neglect is the most important and deepest description of your mental state. Maybe you don’t have enough self-confidence to think that your spouse or friend is by your side because of you. This spirit makes you not feel intimacy, commitment and empathy in the relationship and you don’t really know what emotional bond has kept you in this relationship. It will be difficult for you to show your love and affection to your wife, pay attention to your needs and express your wishes. The lack of affection damages your marital relationship and lowers its quality.
Do you value yourself?
Do you remember the days in the past when you never counted yourself? Do you constantly criticize your past and behavior? Have you ever been complimented by your inner voice? Have you ever seen your successes? Have you ever expected someone to love you because you thought you were lovable? And have you ever waited for others to praise you because you thought you deserved it?
Despite a background in which you never valued yourself, it is not unlikely that you still do not see yourself as good enough and constantly blame yourself for everything. In the best case, maybe someone will appreciate and thank you, but if this does not happen, it is not strange to you because you do not have such an opinion about yourself. You are inadequate and inadequate. As a result of these feelings, you will face problems in your relationships because although you do not value yourself, it is strange to others why you do not love yourself. If your life partner is also a person who thinks about his own interests, you will provide a platform for him to reach his goal.
In another situation, this lack of self-confidence or feeling of worthlessness forces you to constantly force your partner to confirm you, love you and give you value and identity to compensate for what you don’t have.
Are you too idealistic?
If you grew up in a family where there was a lot of stress and tension, or if you had parents who taught you the basics and religious rituals with great pressure and in an imposed way, or entrusted you with responsibilities beyond the ability and understanding of a child. There is a possibility that in adulthood you will become a sensitive, obsessive or idealistic person and too much moral principles. Similarly, you expect your wife to be like you. Something inside you repeats, “No one can handle this better than you.” This spirit and intellectual sensitivity makes you sometimes make sudden, wrong and wrong choices because you don’t trust the advice and like-mindedness of others at all and you don’t count on anyone’s opinion. Your relationship with your spouse will usually be accompanied by tension and disagreement, and having a romantic relationship is not an easy task for you.
If you can’t accept the limits and obey the rules
Did you have all the facilities and individual freedoms available to you as a child? If your parents looked up to you too much, did not limit your behavior and gave you everything easily, now it will be difficult for you to accept the limits of behavior in society and in your private relationships. The fact that you expect everyone to approve of you, that no one puts a limit on your thoughts and behavior and does not criticize you, and that you have any practical freedom in relation to your life together, is a result of this lifestyle and your upbringing in the past. No one, especially your spouse, can fulfill all your wishes and expectations because you are always used to being approved by others. Married life creates limitations. There are rules that you must follow. If you can’t accept these citizenships, look for work forms in the past.
Have you answered no to the above questions? If this is the case, over time, your dissatisfaction with marriage will increase and it will lead to many emotional problems and marital disputes. Be honest about your behavior, thoughts and feelings. Many of your feelings and thoughts today are rooted in your past experiences and lifestyle and strongly affect your relationship today. What you have learned as behavioral principles are institutionalized in you and unconsciously affect your life today.
If you think you need more help and support to solve these issues and try to build a healthy relationship with your spouse, raise this issue with your spouse first and then decide to change your behavior together. This effort is not only good for your marriage but also helps you to be a happier person with balanced emotions and healthy thoughts.

Addendum to the information newspaper family