What happens to our sex life and sexual needs after divorce? How should we control it so that we are not harmed physically and mentally? What are the sexual problems after divorce and what are the methods to solve this problem?
“Boooooom!” This was the sound of the stamp that was stamped on my identity papers in the court, and in one of them, it changed me from a married person to a divorced bachelor. A divorcee who had to start many things over again; To love, to trust and to find another partner to continue life.
These have remained strong over the years for me, who have been able to cope with most of the problems after the breakup. It seems that the echo of the seal of divorce has always been louder than the sound of my loneliness. Loneliness for me means feeling needed. I said that I have been able to become independent in some areas, but the sexual part of life is not independent. However, where is the way to meet my needs?
Leaving aside the shocking statistics of divorce, we see many couples around us who reach this bitter end, each with their own story. Of course, this event is not the end of the world, but it cannot be ignored that this unpleasant event, if it is not managed correctly in its various dimensions, over time can directly or indirectly lead to the end of the world for a person, a family and Even the society is determined.
Managing life after divorce is one of the key issues that is being considered today due to the prevalence of this issue in the world. Among the various dimensions that are raised in this field, the management of sexual needs has a more sensitive position; Especially in our country, where according to traditional and religious beliefs, it is not legitimate and acceptable to meet such needs except through marriage.
Now the question is: in the current situation, where the field of marriage for young people who have not yet entered into a joint life is not very available, and logically, this chance is less for divorced people, the task of this group of society, which is not less on the one hand, and On the other hand, despite the memories they have of sexual pleasure in their previous marriage, they do not see a suitable opportunity in front of them, what will happen?
Temporary marriage, yes or no?
First, let’s look at one of the most controversial solutions to the sexual needs of divorced people, that is, temporary marriage. Temporary marriage is one of the solutions of our religion to enjoy (fulfill sexual desire) in the conditions of not having the possibility of permanent marriage; which can be useful in meeting sexual needs if the necessary conditions have been created in the individual, family, culture and society.
The opposite is also true. That is, if the necessary preparations are not provided, this way will be more harmful than helpful.
This injury does not come from the nature of this marriage, but from the lack of sufficient knowledge of its characteristics as well as the individual circumstances of the perpetrator. It is in such a situation that we see that a person who has turned to a temporary marriage after a divorce, after the end of its term, not only does not feel better because of the satisfaction of his sexual needs, but also because of the unrealistic expectations he had from this marriage. It has been spilled. It is clear that the primary victims of this ignorance are divorced women.
The fact that the topic of sexual need management solutions in the post-divorce period started with temporary marriage does not mean that it is proposed as a convenient and quick solution; Rather, the reason for that is that this option revolves around a lot in the minds of divorced people, especially in severe times of problems. In the following, we will return to this area again after dealing with two more suitable solutions.
Is it really the need for sex?
Maybe you have also experienced, sometimes a person feels bad about something but feels the need for something else; For example, some people feel more hungry when they are sad about someone or something. Sexual desire is the same and can sometimes have a non-instinctive origin.
To clarify the issue, pay attention to those around you who have divorced. How many of them complain of feeling isolated? How many people feel more unloved every day than yesterday? How many people have failed in work, education and life under the influence of the bitterness of divorce? And now, the more fundamental question: Hasn’t their sexual need fluctuated during the escalation of these mental conflicts?
So before you decide to have sex, ask yourself the following questions:
1- Do you love yourself?
2- Have you accepted yourself?
3- Have you overcome the guilt and rejection caused by divorce?
4- Do you have enough self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance and sense of responsibility?
5- Do you show up enough in the crowd? Do you participate in useful social activities?
6- Have you returned to the activities you were interested in before marriage?
7- Have you talked to a psychologist about your feelings?
If your answer to these questions is more negative, try to make yourself stronger in these areas first.
exercise restraint
It is more desirable than to ignore sexual needs, to satisfy them immediately, but at what cost? This self-control may seem bitter at first glance, but it is also very sweet considering the consequences of reckless gratification. Do the following to strengthen self-control:
1- Strengthening patience until the conditions for a suitable permanent marriage are met.
2- Strengthening religious beliefs and adherences in the field of sexual behavior.
But and if temporary marriage
We return to the solution of temporary marriage. If for any reason you want to choose this option, know that although the path you have chosen is preferable to today’s friendships and cohabitations that do not include any commitment, it is not without risks. To reduce these risks, take a few recommendations seriously:
1- Know the temporary marriage and do not enter into it without sufficient knowledge.
2- Know yourself and your needs as well as the person you want to marry temporarily. If your or your partner’s dominant motivation is anything other than sexual satisfaction (such as emotional needs or having children), be very careful in making decisions.
Since temporary marriage is established only to legitimately meet sexual needs, it may be the worst solution in this situation.
3- Think about the future family, social and cultural consequences of your temporary marriage.
4- Check whether the other party believes in temporary marriage as a religious category? Will he adhere to its principles and commitments?
5- This item is specifically addressed to absolute women: Dear ladies! Be realistic about temporary marriage and don’t go into it hoping to make it permanent. The length and breadth of the temporary marriage is the same as you agreed at the beginning of the work and no more.
6- Be aware of your rights in this marriage, such as the terms of registration of dowry, alimony, inheritance and other conditions.
7- Take temporary marriage as seriously as permanent marriage. Don’t let its short duration fool you about its potential long-term effects. Talk to your psychologist before making any decisions.
8- Don’t carry problems with you, but solve them. Don’t let the failures and conflicts of your previous marriage(s) (permanent or temporary) follow you in successive marriages. Endless bitterness.
