What does suppression of sexual desire mean?
For some people, sexual thoughts create excitement and anticipation about sex. Prolonging these thoughts is likely to lead a person to have sex with his wife or self-pleasure.
According to Healthline, if you struggle with suppressing your libido, even the word sex can make you feel embarrassed and ashamed. Read more.
What do you mean?
Maybe you heard as a child that sex is unpleasant or only for marriage. Your parents may have told you that masturbating or thinking about sex is sinful, and as a result of this upbringing, you have learned to suppress your desires quite naturally to protect yourself.
Is this the same as sexual frustration?
Sexual failure is called inconsistency between human desire to have sexual intercourse and achieving it in practice. Sexual failure is caused by various factors such as high sexual desire and low frequency of sex, lack of satisfaction in sex, which itself can be caused by anorgasmia, sexual reluctance, premature and late ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction or inconsistency of libido between two sexual partners. Most adults experience sexual dysfunction at some point. Some of its common symptoms include:
restlessness
body tension
Frequent sexual thoughts and fantasies
Frustration and repression that make them play each other from time to time
If you want to be better at expressing yourself sexually, but you haven’t yet reached the stage where you feel comfortable doing it, you should know that it is normal for this process to take longer, so in the meantime, you are likely to realize your failure.
What is the cause?
Sexual suppression typically occurs in response to limiting ideas or attitudes about sex. Parents or other caregivers may teach these ideas directly to children and teens, but it’s also possible that you learn them simply by watching others behave.
At first, you may consciously suppress sexual thoughts, but over time, suppressing sexual thoughts and desire often becomes automatic.
Negative experiences or beliefs about sex
People with a religious upbringing often tend to suppress sexual thoughts or desires, but traditional thinking about sexual behavior can also come from other sources.
Some caregivers warn children about sex due to fear of sexually transmitted infections, teenage pregnancy, or past sexual trauma.
History of sexual trauma is also considered as a suppression factor. Rape and sexual abuse cause significant and long-term emotional pain in a person such that thoughts about sex may also cause more memories and distress, which makes it difficult to enjoy or want sex. make it difficult
If you have had a bad experience with sex, you are likely to generalize this mindset to all sexual relationships and question your desire for new experiences.
Incorrect information or lack of information
If your caregivers and parents have not given you the necessary education about sex, it is possible that you have received conflicting information from your peers that is not helpful in this regard.
There is also a possibility that what you heard from others made you create a strange and unpleasant picture of sex in your mind because you think that if sex was normal and healthy, your parents would have talked to you about it.
Strict gender roles
Beliefs about sexuality often stem from an upbringing marked by gender roles. For example, girls often get the message that sex is for receiving protection or affection, but not for expressing pleasure—unless you want people to know you’re a jerk.
In other scenarios, boys grow up with the belief that sex is their right and that if women do not enjoy the relationship and do not reach orgasm, it is not a problem, and sexual orientation can also be effective in suppressing sexual desire. Many children are taught directly or indirectly that only men and women should have sex with each other, so if your sexual orientation does not conform to society’s norms, suppress your feelings for fear of rejection.
How do you know if you are experiencing libido suppression?
Sexual repression involves feelings that negatively affect you. Suppression is not:
Lack of sexual attraction
Disinterest in casual sex
Limited sexual experience
Some people are interested in a variety of sexual activities. It’s okay to want some kind of sex. Some people may label this as “caution”, but remember that your wishes are important.
In short, repression refers to the negative feelings that surround the idea of gender. Common themes and behaviors include the following:
Shame and distress with sexual fantasies
Guilt and other negative feelings after having sex or masturbating
Difficulty enjoying healthy, consensual sex
Negative self-talk after having thoughts or sex
It is believed that your body is not attractive or not worthy of having sex
What can happen because of it?
Sigmund Freud is one of the first people who wrote about the idea of suppressing sexual desire and warned that suppressing sexual desire has unwanted consequences. Some of these effects can have far-reaching consequences for your emotional well-being.
Physical consequences
People working to overcome libido suppression often report physical symptoms, including:
body tension
sleep problem
Difficulty with orgasm or premature ejaculation
Pain or discomfort during intercourse
emotional distress
Suppression of libido can also lead to emotional distress and mental health symptoms, including:
Reluctance to act on sexual desires
Fear and anxiety related to sex
Feeling guilty about sexuality
Strong self-judgment about sexual thoughts
Negative attitude towards others
If sex starts from a young age with negative feelings, you will show some negative views towards people who express their sexuality freely. This can happen in a relationship, for example, when your partner expresses the idea of sex that he likes and wants to experience it in the relationship.
Lack of interest in sex
Some people don’t have a lot of sex drive, so apathy isn’t always related to suppression, but sometimes it can be.
If you have violated your desires, you really don’t know what you enjoy. If you don’t enjoy sex much, you may ignore it and avoid starting or having sex.
This process can make it difficult to continue the relationship because different degrees of sexual interest often present challenges in romantic relationships.
Not being able to ask for what you want
If you are ashamed to express your sexual thoughts, it seems impossible to share these desires with your partner, even if there is trust and love between you.
Suppression makes you feel guilty about enjoying sex, so when you feel good, you may feel ashamed or critical of yourself and avoid trying it again (even if you really want to).
What can you do about it?
First of all, you should know that sexual oppression is real, and secondly, you should know that you are not to blame for this mentality. Just by being aware of the signs of oppression and how it affects you, you can take steps to combat it. Other useful tips:
Accept sexual thoughts
Mindfulness can help you create peace of mind by increasing your awareness of sexual thoughts and learning to accept them without judgment.
If sexual thoughts occur to you, remind yourself that this is a natural process and allow them to take their natural course without blame, you may also follow the thought with curiosity and explore what it suggests.
Read about sex positivity
Having a positive view of sex helps combat sexual repression, so becoming more comfortable with the idea or thoughts of sex as a healthy activity can help you overcome it.
Examining the positivity of sexual desire includes reading articles in this field or books about sexual expression, it can also mean becoming familiar with the expression of sexual desire in books, movies, and art.
Be comfortable with your body
Suppression sometimes affects how you feel about your body. Instead of loving your body, you may distance yourself from knowing your body by wearing loose clothes and avoiding nudity. To increase your comfort with your body, try:
Look at your naked body in the mirror
List 5 things you love about your body
Sometimes sleep naked
Talk to your spouse
Sometimes opening up to your partner makes you feel more comfortable in expressing your desires. You might say, “I’ve never felt comfortable talking to you about what I like or don’t like in bed, but I want to improve, but it’s going to take time.”
Mindfulness during sex helps you recognize when you’re enjoying something because it allows you to focus on your experience without letting unwanted thoughts distract you. In this way, you can express your pleasure better.
Break the cycle
Many parents who pass on false or harmful beliefs about sex do not mean to be hurtful, they are simply passing on beliefs that they have learned themselves. Of course, this process can cause many problems by constantly repeating the cycle.
Addressing your libido can help, especially if you’re trying to conceive, and you can also develop healthy ideas about sex by:
Talk honestly about sex in an age-appropriate way
The media can play a significant role in educating children
Teach children about healthy romantic and sexual relationships
The satisfaction of teaching in this field from an early age
in the end
Religious or social expectations around sexual behavior regardless of gender or identity can lead to sexual guilt and shame, but you can overcome it. Seeing a sex therapist is often a helpful first step.
Translator: Goddess Zarei