Marriage is something that almost most people in the society experience. Marriage can be considered an institution, an institution that will have a very long life. No one in society wants to have an unsuccessful marriage. For these reasons, we have collected all the points that you should pay attention to before getting married
My wife and I got married 28 years ago. At that time, we did not know many things that we know now, and I am sure that there are many people who do not know enough about the same things. God helped me to be able to explain to you 12 examples of insights that the parties of the relationship should be aware of before marriage.
1- Marriage is planned and designed by God. For this reason, we should seek God’s guidance in this good matter. Often times we do what we have seen others do. Different people have different ideas about marriage, but we can’t know everyone’s opinion about marriage and at the same time we have to remember that what works for one life may not work for other lives. It doesn’t come out right. So who should you listen to? I am glad that this question came to you. In my opinion, you should increase your reading and sometimes refer to religious books. Among the useful books in this field, the following can be mentioned: “Before You Say Yes” by Norman Wright, “Too Soon, Too Intimate” by Jim Talley.
2- In my opinion, it is better to go through several family counseling sessions before marriage. There are counseling centers that can help you to know yourself better first and then see who can be the right life partner for you. Family history, moral character, and other aspects of life are analyzed and reviewed by the consultant. A series of pre-determined questions have been formulated in a questionnaire, and filling it can be an interesting and fun task.
3- When you are just entering married life, there is a lot of excitement from before the wedding to the honeymoon. Over time, all the excitement calms down and you feel the rhythm of your new life. At this time, you suddenly look at your partner and ask yourself: “Why did I do this?” Some people get a little scared when they reach this stage and feel that they have done something wrong. Believe me, this is a completely normal thing. Your first fight takes place and you argue with each other about which side the toilet paper should be on. Over time, you will learn that you have to compromise more. Anyway, at all stages of life, people face various doubts. Knowing this can calm you down. You are a completely normal person.
4- Take time to have fun. A successful life requires work and effort. But you also have to make time for fun. Learning how to live with a new person in an intimate two-way relationship requires effort from both people. You should learn how to communicate and understand each other, participate in seminars related to marriage and cohabitation, it is both fortune telling and watching. Don’t turn fun and happiness into a faint memory of your single life. Create new memories together. Pay attention to each other and enjoy being with each other.
5- These days, due to social pressures and non-religious beliefs, not much emphasis is placed on not having sex before marriage. Absence of premarital sex explains the foundation of the parties’ trust towards each other. There are many people who, due to lack of trust in each other, are chasing each other for long hours, accusing each other of betrayal and do not value each other. Maybe it’s a bit pointless, but that’s how it is. We advise many couples who are skeptical about sex not to get married. Not having sex means all sexual behaviors and is not limited to intimacy. For example, oral sex or even flirting can be considered as a type of sexual relationship. God has determined that sexual satisfaction should only exist in a joint life. There is absolutely no reason to have sex when you are engaged. According to traditions, the bed is a holy place and God himself punishes those who commit adultery. Sex is not a sport that you can do whenever you want, but a physical, romantic, and spiritual union. Sex is the thing that makes a marriage a marriage. You become one with your life partner. We all have a special place with God and He wants us to be away from any kind of sin, shame, disease, humiliation and impurity. He also wants us to experience the most intimate loving relationship. If you and your fiancee can’t control your lust now, what guarantee is there that you will be able to do so after marriage?
6- You must know what your partner’s values are. You should also be aware of your personal values. What is important to you? Are the values of the two of you compatible with each other? During the time you spend on dates, you should talk about such issues together. do you want a baby If your answer is yes, how many? Do you have the same religious beliefs? Do you have the same religious beliefs? This category is of special importance, maybe when you only date each other and even at the beginning of your life together, you will not find many conflicts about religious issues, but when the children start living together, usually the issues Religion becomes more important, because each parent decides to convey his personal religious beliefs and values to his child.
7- Talk to each other about all past romantic relationships. Open up about past emotional issues with your partner, because sharing such private and personal issues can bring you to deeper levels of intimacy. Each of the parties has the right to be aware of the most detailed issues of your life. When you get married, there should not be any ambiguous point that surprises the other party. If you agree with me that the past is the past and it’s better not to say anything about it, I promise you that one day when you least expect it, someone from the past will come and make trouble for you. When this happens, a feeling of insecurity is created and more pain and suffering enters the relationship. If you feel that you cannot fully trust your partner, maybe you have not yet reached the stage where you are ready to get married. It is a test of honesty and vulnerability.
8- Never compromise. It is true that no human being is perfect, but you deserve the best spouse. Some people accept the marriage proposal only for the following reasons: they think that maybe such an event will not happen again in their life, they have children and maybe no one is willing to live with them, they think that: “I am a special person.” I don’t have that reason, I have the right to choose”, or “I don’t like him, but this person is stable and can be a good supporter for me. None of these cases can be considered as a good reason to say “yes”. Since marriage is founded by God, it can be a safe place for the community of two people who adhere to divine values. The main purpose of marriage is that people can first feel love on earth and then join their big family in heaven. Ask God to put the right partner in front of you. Wait for God’s sign and do not give up.
9- Ask each other important questions. When you date, it’s a good time to ask important and key questions: What kind of family did you grow up in? Did parents live together or were they separated? What do you expect from your life together according to your family of origin? What decisions will you make at the beginning of your life for your child’s education? Complete this sentence: “When I get married and have children, never…” Talk about your relationship with your opposite-sex parents, for example son and mother, daughter and father. Communication with parents of the opposite sex can have an important effect on how we behave with our spouse. If his father misbehaves with his mother, most likely he will also misbehave with his wife. In this context, we can introduce you a book called “1000 Questions for Couples”.
10- Accepting a candidate as a future spouse is an important issue that you should think about at the very beginning. To accept another person, you must first accept yourself. You may be good at many things, but at the same time, there are things that you need to practice more. All these weaknesses and strengths gather together and make you. Acceptance causes people to be themselves and love each other unconditionally, just as God loves his servants. If a person feels unaccepted and has low self-esteem, then it makes it difficult for others to accept themselves and no one can truly love them wholeheartedly. Here we understand the importance of pre-marital counseling. When we plant a seed, we don’t stand over it and say: “Be quick, be quick, grow, you’re not growing fast, you’re too slow!” Like plants, humans also need time to grow and excel, and for this they need care, importance and love, just like a plant that needs water and sunlight. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to know your life partner. Never try to change the other party.
11- Be aware of any kind of harassment. Has your partner ever tried to get his point across by being disrespectful, insulting and humiliating? Has he threatened you with physical attacks? Do you feel threatened? Have you ever been hit? Did you get kicked out? Throws objects? Does he always slap for any reason? None of the mentioned behaviors are acceptable. No one has the right to hit you and it is not your fault that you have been harassed. Is your spouse planning to keep you away from your friends and those you love? By observing each of these cases, you should either end the relationship or tell them that you will not be able to continue the relationship until they see a psychiatrist. Do not deceive yourself, every bad behavior before marriage will be many times worse after marriage. Every day, many people are victims of violence by those they know. Please take this issue seriously.
12-Also devote time to worshiping two people. The value of this work is that when you establish a spiritual life, you will be on a path where God will support you in all stages of your life. In a spiritual marriage, there are 3 parties: you, God, and your spouse. When problems arise, following God’s guidance can help you the most.
13- Additional note: single people who have children; When it comes to children’s feet, please ask them about their feelings
share themselves with you. If they have negative feelings, be more specific on this issue and look for the reasons. I strongly recommend that all people involved in the marriage be counseled. Programs should be designed and arranged to facilitate communication between all people. If both parties have children, they should all participate in family counseling before marriage. Suggested book “before remarriage”
14- Additional note: marry someone who has children; Ask yourself these questions: Can I be in tune with the children’s feelings? Can I listen to their words? Am I flexible enough to compromise with them? Can I pass the necessary classes, books and counseling in this field? And for men: Can I dedicate my masculinity and bear the negative points of children? Do you think that your wife can handle the children?
15- Medical tests
Before getting married, it is recommended to do the following tests:
and blood test for hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HIV test
