You may think that a couple who want to divorce just have a moral problem or a big age difference or a common view, but this idea is completely wrong and reluctance to have sex can also be one of the reasons for divorce. One of the parties does not want to have sex, the other party may feel deficient and choose separation.
Sexual reluctance in marital relationships has always been one of the issues that has often led to the collapse of a family and separation, even at the beginning of cohabitation.
For those of you who have questions about this, here is an example of a conversation with a psychiatrist and a member of the Family and Sexual Health Research Group about the causes and treatments for decreased libido:
“I have been married for almost three and a half years. From the point of view of others, we seem like a happy couple, but the reality is that with all the love and affection that exists between me and my wife, our relationship is limited to just saying, laughing, and going out. “Sex has no place in our lives. My wife does not talk about it at all, and when I talk to her about it, she finally says that life is not just about that.”
Here is another example: “I have been married for a year, but I have no interest in being close to my wife. Whatever I try, I can not enjoy it, how should I solve this problem? “Because my life is falling apart.”
Dr. Gholamhossein Ghaedi, a psychiatrist and member of the Family and Sexual Health Research Group, has answered questions about the causes and treatments for decreased libido in men.
Why are some men reluctant to have a marital relationship with their spouse?
Basically, having sexual activity in both women and men is a multidimensional thing and different factors such as the spouse, the circumstances in which the relationship takes place and individual factors depend on its formation, so this issue must be from different aspects related to it. Such as sexual desire, arousal, orgasm and… and from the perspective of individual, interpersonal, psychological, medical, environmental and عوامل factors. The fact that some men do not want to have a marital relationship with their spouse is something that may be involved in several factors. The most important thing in explaining how this is done is to know under what circumstances it happened. Has reluctance existed since the early years of cohabitation, or does it arise under certain temporal and spatial conditions? Could reluctance be influenced by other issues (arguing with a spouse, stress, financial problems, etc.)? And many other questions that need to be answered carefully.
How can a typical person find out that he or she may have experienced a decrease in sexual desire?
Most people think of sexual desire as lust, although these terms can go some way to describing feelings of sexual desire, but the term sexuality is more complex than that. Sexual desire is a psychological stage during which a person tends to fantasize and have sexual activity. Problems with libido occur when people experience lack of libido or low libido, while other people have high or persistent libido. Very high or very low sexual desire can be upsetting and annoying for people who experience these problems, and it is natural for the other party to be upset as well. Low libido is a (malfunctioning) disorder, while very high libido is often considered a sexual addiction.
Problems related to sexual desire in both men and women are defined in terms of issues such as lack of desire, desire and desire (in relation to conditions such as sexual fantasies, masturbation or having sex). Sexual reluctance is divided into two types: situational sexual reluctance and pervasive sexual reluctance. When a person is reluctant towards his wife in certain circumstances, such as at home, but tends to have a marital relationship while traveling and away from home, sexual desire is a type of situation, but when there is no desire to have a relationship in any situation, It’s kind of pervasive.
Why do some men lose their libido? What causes sexual desire to decrease?
Many couples have an awkward relationship; They often lack the necessary work and family due to work, physical and mental fatigue, and therefore it is natural that such conditions generally reduce sexual desire in both sexes.
The presence of psychological problems such as anxiety, especially depression due to the occurrence of this disorder and the use of antidepressants (especially fluoxetine), reduce sexual desire. In addition, a person’s way of thinking and attitudes have a significant effect on the unwillingness to have a marital relationship.
Many men and women see the relationship as merely a means of perpetuating the offspring and believe that having a sexual relationship with a purpose other than that is a sin, so it is natural that they do not try to have a relationship at other times. On the other hand, a person’s attitude towards his performance also reduces his sexual desire, for example, men who think that they should be ready to have a marital relationship in any situation, when they fail in practice, may doubt their ability and sexual self-esteem. Be reduced and no longer want to have a relationship. Of course, there are other sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation in men and negative attitudes that a person has towards their sexual function, and even female sexual problems such as vaginal dryness, pain and pain, fear of repeated failure and unsuccessful sex or unsatisfied sex. The spouse and his or her harassment during intercourse (due to the pain of intercourse) all reduce the desire for intercourse. In addition to psychological and sexual problems, the presence of physical problems such as cancer also reduces libido, and cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes also reduce libido by reducing blood flow to the genital area.
Can drugs reduce men’s libido?
Yes, taking certain medications such as antidepressants (especially fluoxetine) and antihypertensives or anti-hair loss can reduce libido.
Do hormonal problems reduce men’s libido?
Thyroid disorders and pituitary tumors may reduce libido. People with lower than normal testosterone levels experience decreased libido. There are several possible causes for low testosterone levels that can be identified by medical tests and laboratory tests. Although the effect of low hormone levels on decreased libido is not yet clear, in men low testosterone levels are always associated with decreased libido. Elevated prolactin and thyroid problems, especially hypothyroidism, are also effective in reducing libido.
Some people believe that spending all their time with their spouse reduces their sexual desire for him / her. Does science accept this claim or is it just a justification?
Decreased libido does not occur suddenly and is gradual; If a person does not want to get married for a few months during the year, he has a decreased desire. Of course, it is natural that the relationship between the spouses decreases over time and they should try harder to stay attractive to each other.
Answering the following questions can be helpful in finding warning signs;
At home, did you only think about marriage during sleep?
Doesn’t this relationship give you a sense of connection and sharing?
One of you is always a beginner and always under pressure?
Has sex become a normal, mechanical activity?
Do you never have sexual thoughts about your spouse and end up having sex once or twice a month?
If the answer to most of these statements is positive for the person, it is likely that sexual desire will decrease in the not too distant future.
Can the quality of a man’s relationship with his wife affect his sexual desire for his wife?
Many couples have an awkward relationship; They are often unprepared for a relationship due to work, physical and mental fatigue, job and family worries, but for reasons such as pressure and love and respect for their spouse, they do so with the idea that they are doing their job. It is natural for them not to have a successful relationship. Such conditions generally reduce sexual desire in both sexes. This problem becomes more acute when more time has passed since the marriage and issues such as childcare, normalization of relationships and daily and repetitive sexual patterns have been added to it. In some cases, a man even has a special feeling for his wife, because it reminds him of an important person in his life, such as his mother. In this case, he loses his sexual desire for his wife. In addition to psychological, medical and individual factors, interpersonal factors and the couple’s emotional relationships also play a very important role in this regard. The type of relationship that determines how men and women cope with their different problems is crucial. Love and affection for each other, mutual understanding of each other’s needs and desires, and understanding the specific circumstances of the time and place in which the couple lives are effective factors that affect sexual desire. Of course, love alone is not enough to have sexual desire, and men and women must also be sexually attractive to each other, understand each other’s circumstances, and not constantly push each other to have a marital relationship. We must remember that the purpose of having a marital relationship is to gain pleasure. So they have to agree on having sex and enjoying it.
Despite the love between the spouses, one of them may not be sexually attractive to the other and the spouse may not be able to communicate with him or her, or the couple may not be able to properly understand and satisfy each other’s needs and wants due to lack of emotional and sexual skills.
Marital conflicts, lack of agreement, incompatibility, lack of trust and respect, feelings of anger and hatred, disregard for each other’s needs, lack of love and affection, damaged interpersonal relationships and میل reduce sexual desire and satisfaction.
What is the most important thing to consider in treating sexual problems?
The most important thing is to know the exact causes of the problem and its various aspects in order to provide the necessary treatment and educational planning. For this reason, it is recommended that the person see a specialist for a thorough evaluation and effective treatment. Treatments vary depending on the type of problem. Treating sexual anemia or any other sexual problem is useless until problems such as marital conflicts, psychological, communication, medical, and other problems are resolved, so side effects must be treated first and then the person’s sexual problems effectively addressed. . A couple whose sexual problem is due to marital conflict or lack of mutual love may be able to use couple therapy to resolve their problem. Couples therapy is usually helpful for couples who have been having problems for several years.
In general, what advice do you have for dealing with a decrease in male libido?
If reluctance is due to the lack of sexual attraction of the spouse, approaches based on possible changes in the appearance of the spouse should be adopted, in this case it is necessary for the couple to agree on possible changes in the appearance of sexual attraction. To prevent any kind of resentment, this should be done with expert care and supervision, but if the problem of the couple’s marital relationship is based on repetitive and unchanging patterns, a change in sexual behavior patterns should be made. Of course, these changes are possible when men and women have a strong desire to improve their interpersonal relationships. If the decrease in libido is due to low testosterone levels, special attention should be paid in the treatment to the age and health status of the person. For example, in men with prostate cancer, testosterone consumption promotes cancer, but in most men this method is safe and usually increases libido. To follow. Once the cause is identified, treatment plans can be implemented.